Well, I didn't expect people to actually start playing this. Anyhoo. Here's a hugeass breakdown for the rest of you lot. Some of you know this already. Some of you don't. Some don't care~ What is Final Fantasy XIV? This is an MMORPG. In the vein of WoW, FFXIV is a tab targeting fantasy escapade of femroes, midgets and catgirls. YOU are a scrub dropped into the world of Eorzea where Bad Shit Happened™ and people have rebuilt their lives after the moon was dropped on their face. Yes you read that right. There was a dragon in it. And now Bad Shit™ is happening again and you're thrust into the middle of it because you know this is a final fantasy game and goddamn if you aren't the MC. Along side everyone else. You would honestly think that the NPCs would have issues with someone barging into their Restricted Access™ areas every three seconds. Not to mention that the player population is in fact larger than some armies. And half as effective. And thus you alongside the 1 million other warriors of light get to go through a merry storyline of how others are badass and your character will just stand by the sidelines in cutscenes and stoically nod. At least you look awesome while doing it. Unless you look like this guy. Then it's just amazing. Dem jerbs. So what implement of destruction will you use against your enemies? A sword? A staff? A spear? Meh who cares. Everyone knows that lancers are overpowered at low level. And at 60 cap. Here's a rundown on the classes for you all because I'm nice. Gladiator (Paladin) Your name is main tank. You are overpowered. You have hallowed Ground which is lolnodamage for 10 seconds. You do okay damage. You can heal, generate MP and meatspin bosses because you are a dick. Unfortunately you have to deal with the fact that everyone else in the party is not as awesome as you, since they happen to be worshiping the ground you stand on. You can dictate how things go because your queues are instant and it's your way or the highway. Good luck for them suckers who need to wait another 30 minutes for a tank. You'll just queue back in instantly. They weren't going to beat it without your help anyways. Marauder (Warrior) Your name is Off tank. Sorta. I mean you're not as awesome as the Paladin when it comes to main tank. But you are stupid overpowered when it comes to damage. If you want to take aggro, you will take aggro. Nothing anyone else can do will matter. Ever. You are Scorpion. You holmgang and drag some poor sap to you. And then you sit there. Because you became Tryndamere and can't die. But you are at 1hp. Except like 99% of the bosses who give no shits and cheat. Like every damn time. Otherwise you share the same benefits as Paladins get. Except you're not as awesome for bosses. But overpower is overpowered. Dark Knight You are batman. You are edgy. You use a two-handed sword. You hit like a girl. And you are flashy. You enjoy the perks of the other tanks, but fail to capitalize on them. You also need to be over level 50 to become a dark knight. Because reasons. Also you start at level 30 because starting at level 1 is for other scrubs. You kick people in the stomach and then do it again because it reset. You throw shit all over the screen and don't understand anything going on until the dungeon is over. You have shit MP management. Because you're batman. Conjurer (White Mage) You are the main healer. No one argues with you. You pick white mage because you control who lives and dies and hey there's a lot of dying people around here. You have shit mana regen compared to all the other classes which use MP. Except Dark knight, but who cares about them. They think they're a special little snowflake. You show them cleric stance because you job is not healing, you job is to murder every little shit who looks funny at you. You have holy for a reason. If the tank dies, blame the other healer for not doing their job right. If there is no other healer, blame the tank. You are blameless, you are white mage. Arcanist (Summoner/Scholar) You are unique. You are lazy. You get two jobs to everyone's one. You are arcanist. When you hit level 60, you now have a healer and bahamut. Or more accurately Bahamut and Bahamut. Scholars have a faerie which you bitchslap into doing all your work for you while you school people into exactly why you're the smarter one of the bunch. Dots, dots everywhere. More dots. People will commend you at the end for such an easy dungeon when you did jack all. And after you're done you toss your faerie back into your book. Jerk. Or you do Bahamut. By Bahamut you waste 90% of the dungeon letting your minions do all the hard work. And then steal the limit break for your glorious blaze of glory of being BAHAMUT. Astrologist You are one of those cheap forture tellers on the street that promises that you can READ their FUTURE. Of them being on the floor because they can't survive without your astral hax. You play children's card games while your party is fighting for their life. And then you wish you were the king of card games because he cheats so massively by pulling the right card at every situation that he's obviously cheating outrageously. And you aren't. You have options otherwise. And you apply cards by hitting your friends in the face. Tell them to enjoy it and they'll believe you. Even when you give them the wrong card. Oh, and you also need to be level 50 to get this class. Because reasons. Also you start at 30 because you cheated. Lancer (Dragoon) There are no good dragoons. Any time you see a dragoon, they will do one of the following: Jump into an AOE. Jump off of a ledge to their death. Already on the floor. Master floor hugger. Will chill next to the tank for no reason. Will chill next to the healer for no reason. And for your information, I am a master lancer. You are overpowered. Absolutely overpowered. Tanks will hate you. Healers will hate you. Other dps will hate you. Tank being pissy about you being so awesome? Think because he's a paladin he should roll on all your loot? You don't need him. You can do his job. Your healer being pissy? That's okay. You can kill things before you need to be healed because you're op. Main tank dies? You have the best skill in the game. It's called Keen Flurry. It's op. Even though they nerfed all defensive stuff. It's still op. 20 seconds of GOD. Oh and you have jumps and stuff. Which you can use to cheat mechanics. About to fall off an arena? Jumps fix that for you. Need to be over there not here? Jumps fix that for you. You are so broken that as long as you don't hug the floor you may as well call this Dragoon Fantasy XIV Pugilist (Monk) Your only concept of solving things is with your fist. Or foot. You punch things a lot. And then the boss does something stupid and you lose your stacks and you cry. Here let me tell you a thing which is #whatmnksdoforstacks. If you don't understand, you will understand. Also that's not an actual hashtag. I take no responsibility for whatever is in there. But otherwise you will attempt to reproduce some furious punching like from your favourite animes. Newsflash. You are slow. Sorry. Your LB 3 is a big explosion. Yes. Also you have some of the best looking AF armour at least so that's something. Rogue (Ninja) You work from the shadows. You stab from behind and kil- you know what you do none of that. You are a ninja who doesn't know the concept of stealth. It's like Ninja Gaiden. Except no sneaky. You casually walk up to a guy and stab him in the face. And then throat. Because that's a thing. Also you have the best skill in the game. Rabbit. You can summon a rabbit hat at any time. Others may mock you for the rabbit but he is essential for improving your damage. Don't listen to them. Also you can summon lightning from the sky. For some reason. I guess Ninja's are mini Thors. Must be why they don't know stealth. Thaumaturge (Black Mage) You, sir, set things on fire. Anything can be solved with enough application of fire. And if it still isn't solved, more fire. Add more fire. This class of pyromaniacs had one of the undisputed AoEs in the game. Then they got nerfed pretty hard. They're still decent though. And fire everywhere. Your keyboard will light up like Christmas and then you die. Because the tank couldn't comprehend it's Christmas time. You like pointy hats and staffs and you are no gandalf. Don't try it. You will regret being gandalf. Unless you pull it off then congrats I suppose. You look silly like that. Also you aren't classic black mage. No you don't get those robes. Stop asking. Archer (Bard) This class makes no sense. You are an archer. Your bows have harps on them. HARPS. I don't know about you but I don't trust archers who are singing to not hit me in the back of the head. Thus every bard does not sing. Which makes the special point of bard stupid. If you are a bard you should be singing. No exceptions. You are the TP/MP battery bitch of the party. AND YOU WILL LIKE IT. When the WHM says MP, you give MP. When the dragoon says TP after he gets raised the 30th time, you give TP. You have no free will. Enjoy! Machinist You get guns. Like actual guns. You are the only person who knows sense in this damn game. Because guns. Except for some reason everything is immune to bullets. So you have to practice american style shooting on them. Which is more bullets. From a musket. No I don't know how you are machine gunning from a musket. I'd like to know too. I can only conclude that Machinsts have magic hax. Also you have a little turret which the healer will ignore and let die 90% of the time. It also is a literal battery for TP/MP. It even looks like one. This is a replacement for bards. And is more functional to boot. No one cares about crafting right now. Except for airships. But you can't afford them. Servers of interest: Adamantoise: Where all the scrubs are at. Gilgamesh: Where Kuat hangs out. Jerks.
This deserves a mention because Overpower is OVERPOWERED. PREPARE TO MEET JOHN FUCKING MADDEN: Yes, I picked MRD so I can be a motherfucking boss.
fucking awesome! @Kuat Can you spill some info on dungeons, raids, battleground PVP and if any World PVP?
Spoilers huh. Alrighty. World pvp So you wanna bash in some smuck's face. Yeah sorry about that, everyone in Eorzea is terribly polite and the worst you can do is /slap. After all, you are a hero not a wannabe murderer. Right? Yeah, that didn't work out too well for me either. Heck most of the antagonists would be dead at this point if my character didn't just stoically nod. You can play children's card games with people though! That's a blast, right? Although the NPCs cheat like mad Battleground PvP So even though you can slap people silly, sometimes you want to apply a little lance. And not in-the-basement-of-your-house application. There's some stuff here for you lot to murder people in, hurrah! There's a 4v4 instanced arena. No one really does that. Heck it was hilariously imbalanced for the longest time. Something about two summoners. Wolves' den. Or some such There's a 24v24v24 battleground. This is Frontlines. Some people are ridiculously annoying to kill. Meh. This is a capture the flag and occasionally blow up the thing in the middle. Especially the thing in the middle. And double-teaming. Incidentally there is no merc or random teams. You fight for your grand company. If the people with you in your GC sucks, welp. There's a smaller one which is called slaughter. Similar idea, but everyone gets a limit break. And now there's a king of the hill style battleground. I don't do this much. >.> Dungeons Uhm. How much do I talk about this here. There's levelling dungeons. Roulette which makes you wish that you could activate PVP at will. Generally every few levels has a dungeon. They're pretty good for xp. In terms of design I find the dungeons actually rather easy. Like unless your party is absolute fail mode you can beat it. Generally you have a comfortable 90 minutes to beat the dungeon. Generally dungeon runs are 20m ish. It varies depending on skill, gear and composition. Dungeons are a 4 man party deal. You have two DD, one healer, one tank. You know, standard. Trash mobs are pretty much that. Just hp bricks that you beat on until they die. There's generally no real threat to these things because your healer can almost entirely sleep at their computer and you'd hardly give a crap. They did try making harder dungeons. This in turn made people avoid it like the plague. History stuff, look up Sirius Pharos. Raids This can test your patience. >.> And also highlights flaws that the people in your raid group have. Pugging raids are a hit and miss. Duty finder is.. well. lol. But otherwise, hey. Raids are generally fairly easy too. But I'm talking from my perspective. How good are you at these games determines how hard a time you'll have. Oh and there's not much in the way of RNG for these mechanics by the way. The only RNG may be who is targeted. That's it.
But Sirius Pharos was fun! D: Some attacks for raid mechanics are weird... Like Ramuh's chaos tactic. Erp. oops. SPOILERS!
I had little to no desire to play FFXIV until this thread...but that description makes me want to try it lol.
